Thank you for the support Best Publications NW - 2006

Sponsored By:

 

How to Get What You Want
 

Power is a fascinating and often misunderstood concept. In general, it involves the capacity to cause something to happen, and effect change. However, people often misunderstand and mistake force with power. I spoke with Meredith Haberfeld, co-founder and CEO of personal coaching firm "Handel Group Private Coaching", about what personal power really is, the dangers of using force instead of power and why it benefits everyone to develop the art of being powerful.

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE FIGHT

Many people assume that to accomplish anything meaningful requires going into battle. In other words, it demands force. Force certainly proves effective, especially in the short run. But it is distorted thinking to believe that this is required, says Meredith. It is true that force, whether in relationships, in a work situation or even when attempting change in oneself can work for a time, and in fact work quite well. But force creates counter force and then locks in when these two forces collide. In work or relationships, the counter force generally takes the form of other people's disagreements or outright hostility -- cloaked in gossip, passive aggressive acts and quiet resistance. For individuals, counter-force is the stubborn side of the personality that wants what it wants when it wants it and isn't happy about not getting its way. The problem is that outcomes based on force never leave people satisfied, even if they win due to the high emotional costs that come with the win.

WHY DO PEOPLE CHOOSE FORCE?

The reason people use force is because it works, and it's easy, just like young children who find it easier to simply hit their siblings when they want something instead of using their words. Forceful people feel that the ends justify the means because they accomplished their mission -- this gives people permission to yell, be annoyed or use other forceful measures in the name of "mission accomplished."

THE OPPOSITE OF FORCE

On the other hand, power is quite the opposite of force, Meredith explains. Force is aggressive... power is creative and uses vision. Force focuses on the ends justifying the means. Power actually occurs in a process over a series of moments, all of which work in a constructive and unified fashion toward the goal.

At the core of personal power is self-trust. You must believe in yourself, your vision and your intentions, believing you can make something happen, says Meredith, or power can't exist.

A critical piece in cultivating your power in the world is developing your integrity. The only time a person actually feels deep satisfaction and peace is when the heart, head and actions all line up. This applies to all areas where you don't honor your word to yourself -- cheating on your diet, not helping a neighbor as promised, thinking one thing but saying another, being late, cheating on your partner -- it all creates a deficit with yourself and your confidence. Even if you don't keep your word to yourself, even if no one knows it, you emotionally punish yourself and diminish your own power.

The key to creating power is to put yourself into alignment, and conversely not allow yourself to be out of alignment by making excuses for what you did even when you know it was wrong. Examples include justifying cheating on your diet, snapping at your spouse, settling for a job you don't like or allowing yourself to be perpetually late.

When you give up your mind's right to explain or feel bad you find yourself in the very powerful place of choosing what you did. No more victim. No more excuses. Your actions are your choice.

ADDRESSING FEAR

Often fear of failure stops people from developing their power. This is not to imply that having power means you have no fear. With power you take action in spite of fear because you trust that action, belief or behavior is right for you. You still might fail -- but that's okay. Life is full of failures. At least you failed in a powerful way -- doing what you chose to do. Anyone who has given their all to something, holding nothing back, knows that feeling that even if you don't get what you want -- there's little better than knowing you gave 100%.

Having the freedom to choose, and the personal power associated with it is extremely freeing and allows people to enjoy, as Meredith describes it, a lightness of being.

To establish personal power or strengthen yours, Meredith recommends the following...

  • On separate sheets of paper, write all the important areas of your life including health, body, relationships, your marriage and family, your work and finances.
  • Evaluate in each area what you really want for yourself and what standards you want to meet. Be creative here -- carefully locate what has true meaning for you and would be most fulfilling.
  • With your lists in hand, determine where you are coming up short. What are you doing that undermines your intentions and dreams? What are you lying about, hiding and protecting. Examine anything that is stopping you -- in even one area -- because that behavior oozes into other parts of your life. If, say, you feel that having great health is mandatory for you but you regularly eat fast food, that behavior counters your personal standards and consequently undermines trust in yourself in general.
  • Starting with one or at most two areas, think through changes you can make that will bring your dreams and intentions into reality. Pay close attention to where you get stopped and why -- understanding a pattern in one area will increase awareness and insight in others and indicate where you need to do work.
  • Forget making excuses. Meredith cautions that the mind will make excuses for everything because that is just what the mind does. But excuses, she warns, are power killers and should be put aside.
  • Go for something you'd be so proud of -- and risk failing. This has you committed to winning, and going for it fully, with everything you've got.

While developing your personal power, also consciously watch where you are being "forceful." Watch what you do -- and watch the consequences of that behavior. Over time, you will see how unsatisfying, hurtful and ineffective forcefulness is. In the places you notice you're forcing, be creative at identifying a different way to reach your goal, that keeps everybody's dignity intact.

Remember, too, that nothing is fixed. You are free to change direction in your life any time you find another path that might work better because you design your life. And it's personal power that enables your efforts.

Be well,


Carole Jackson
Bottom Line's Daily Health News

Best Bites & Buys publishes the opinions/ points of view of leading authorities in multiple fields. The use of these opinions/points of view is in no way a substitute for legal, accounting, investment, medical or any  professional services to suit your specific personal needs. Please, always consult a competent/qualified professional for answers to your specific needs/questions.

Powered by: TeleStream | Design by: Best Interactive | Terms of use | Best View = 800x600